How to Survive Divorce by Anthea Turner

Author:Anthea Turner [Anthea Turner]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781909109735
Publisher: Splendid Books Limited
Published: 2017-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

Despite the pain of it, this gut-wrenching loneliness is a very normal part of getting over your divorce and it’s an illusion. It’s part of the story your heart and mind have created to help you deal with what’s happening and protect you from further hurt. (The truth is you’re never ever completely alone no matter how you feel.)

Everyone deals with their divorce loneliness differently. Some hide in their homes intensifying their loneliness as they watch from their safe place. Others start dating indiscriminately in an effort to feel some sort of connection with just about anyone. Still others disappear into a virtual world of television, social media and online games to fill the void the end of their marriage has left in their lives.

Then there are the lucky ones, like you, who suddenly realise that the only way to stop feeling lonely is to instead feel a sense of belonging and wholeness in yourself. Feeling complete in yourself will prevent you from ever feeling lonely again and can be one of the greatest gifts of divorce.

But there’s a bit of a leap from this epiphany and truly leaving your loneliness behind. So, how do you make this leap?

You start with a little logic and let your emotions catch up. Logically, you know there’s a BIG difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Being alone is a situation. Feeling lonely is an emotion that’s crying out for soothing.

And believe it or not, you can soothe yourself by doing things that indulge your senses. Think about all five of your senses – taste, touch, sight, sound, and smell – and do things that pleasantly engage them.

For example, you might make yourself a fragrant cup of tea to sip, or take a bubble bath surrounded by lit candles while listening to your favourite tunes.

The idea here is to pamper yourself so you feel honoured and valued and whole and loved. And when you’re feeling these emotions, it’s really difficult to continue to feel loneliness. In fact, when you’re feeling these emotions, you feel connected and confident. And confidence is what you need to fully push through the pain of your divorce and heal.

Despite using logic, engaging your senses and letting your emotions shift when you pamper yourself, it’s normal to feel loneliness again. It just means that you’re not through with your healing and there’s more for you to work on.

But each of your successes in acknowledging your loneliness and then consciously choosing to feel differently by soothing yourself will build your belief in the fact that you’re just alone and not doomed to be permanently lonely because you’ve gotten divorced. And as you continue to build this belief you’ll soon be able to catch up with the rest of the world and continue on with your life because you’ve finished mourning the end of your marriage.

Dr Karen Finn

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